Winning

I have been known to win things online, occasionally. I won a year's domain name registration once, along with domain hosting, which started all of this blogging. Usually, though, it's something I won't ever use. I have never won anything in the "real world," or at least I haven't as far as I remember. Maybe some games of BINGO at church, many, many years ago.

I'm okay with that, I really am. I'd just really, really love to start winning at life. I just want things to start going right for us, for everything not to taste like failure every day. Even buying the trailer, since Troy is so stressed out about being able to get it in & out of places that he hesitates to even talk about going camping now. I'm really tempted to have him call the dealer & see about returning it, since we haven't even made a payment on it yet.

I thought I did okay raising the kids, but look at them now. I know that their choices belong to them, and that they've made some pretty bad ones. I also know it isn't all my fault, but I'm realistic enough to accept that part of it is. I don't have to like it. I don't like it. I can't change it, it's frustrating, but it's life.

At My Wit's End

I had to have Rhi arrested last Sunday night. She came home drunk again and when confronted with it, started yelling and screaming at us. In the course of the argument with Troy, he discovered a huge bottle of mouthwash, and since it contained alcohol, we knew she'd been drinking it. I finally had had enough & called the police, knowing that she'd just keep doing it if I didn't. The police never seem to understand why I'm calling them, but she's on probation, with a no-alcohol clause & I'm not going to allow her to violate that in my home. They let her out 2 days later, and now the county attorney wants to revoke her previous probation & send her to jail on her misdemeanor charges from last year.

Right now, she's not living in our home, I made that decision after I had her arrested. We can't put up with that behavior anymore, we're constantly having to worry about her sobriety & it's not our job. She's at her friend's house until we can be sure that she's been staying sober & can finish decide which boundaries we have to set in our home to let her back. I feel like, at this point, we should have shirts made, that say, "We survived Rhi!" or something. It's a constant roller-coaster & we can't take very much more. We went & talked to a counselor, just to make sure that what we plan to do is the right thing. She agreed that we should allow her to come back, but definitely on our terms & only when we're ready. Right now, I'm kind of on hold, waiting for her hearing on Tuesday, because if she's going to jail, there's no point in deciding on those rules yet.

I'm really ready for all of this to be over.

End of Summer Blues

I know that technically, Summer isn't over for more than a month, but school started here today, so the "vacation" part of it is certainly done. I'm starting to dread the coming months, already. I can handle being cold, it isn't that. It's more feeling like I'm trapped in the house, with nothing to do & nowhere to go. If  I were on an anxiety medication, I honestly believe that by the end of Winter, I'd have abused it so much that I'd need to try to find a rehab center just to get off of it. That's how much Winter stresses me out. I really think this year, I'm going to focus on getting a lot of reading, crafting & such done. I will have to keep myself very busy & we plan to get out of town & go south, at least once a month, to help ease the depression & stress.

Anyway. We went camping last week & took the trailer. It was a good trip, in all honesty. I think most of us were too stressed out to really relax a lot & little things seemed to really set people off. I'm pretty sure I was coming down with the bug that I'm pretty much down-for-the-count with right now, plus, people seemed to really use a lot of our water in the trailer, because we ran out after the second day & really shouldn't have. We'll get things down to a science eventually, but it's hard running out of water when you're in an unimproved campsite, you know? I'd love to pack up Rhi & Tiny & head out on our own this weekend, but I don't think we have the gas to be able to, sadly.

Yard Work

Well, thankfully, with all of the rain, I haven't had to remember to water the lawns, and they look great again. Unfortunately, the weeds are all thriving, too. We were going to buy a weed eater the other day, with other attachments that we could get later on, but we bought a travel trailer instead. I'm not regretting our purchase in any way (at least not yet, we haven't used it still), but I do wish we'd have bought the trimmer earlier in the season, so that we had it to use. It would make yard work so much easier & quicker.

Ah well. Hopefully we'll be able to get it soon.